By Hobie Morris
“Cartoonist Found Dead—Details Sketchy” Newspaper Headline
Sermon This Morning—“Jesus Walks On Water”
Sermon This Evening—“Searching For Jesus” Church Bulletin
Humor. Henry Ward Beecher said it best: “A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs in which one is jolted by every pebble over which it runs.”
Your life, like mine, has plenty of pebbles tossed in its path. Mr. Beecher is correct, a good dose of daily humor does work miracles in making irritating pebbles far more bearable.
My beautiful wife Lois is known far and wide for her amazingly contagious laughter and sense of humor. Every day Lois’ humor helps me and others glide over usually self imposed pebbles. My special Lois does have a truly unique personality and (I say modestly) is universally loved and admired by every person fortunate enough to know her. She is always positive, supremely faithful and overwhelmingly loving of everything within God’s creation.
Not long ago we were having coffee in a booth at Brookfield’s Beaver Den Diner. A lady we didn’t know came up to our booth and introduced herself. Three years before she had been in this diner and heard Lois’ laughter from afar. She never forgot it or Lois. Then it happened once again, three years later in the same place. (Sadly, you don’t often hear a lot of fun laughter any more. You are bombarded with lots of noise. When I was growing up I often heard people whistling, humming and occasionally singing.)
A funny story involving Lois occurred recently in our church. When the pastor asked the congregation what they were thankful for I told the congregation that I was thankful that Lois was not seriously injured by a ruffed grouse defending her newborn chicks as Lois walked down our dirt road. The congregation laughed and clapped. During the visiting time an older member who is rather hard of hearing asked the pastor in all seriousness if Lois had been chased by a Brussel sprout.
Still possibly in a state of semi-disbelieving the pastor announced that there would be “a short women’s meeting after the church service.” (Women had to decide how short was short.)
While this simple country man enjoys humor, I am not a naturally endowed mirthful person, unlike my remarkable wife. My collection of humor stories is rather prolific. One of my favorites goes back to the horse and buggy era familiar to Mr. Beecher. When newspapers were published in about every community, staffed by one or two hard working people in a rush to get out a weekly, bloopers did occasionally crop up, such as the following:
William Smith and Miss Lucy Anderson were disposed of at a public auction at my farm in the presence of about 70 guests, including two mules and 12 head of cattle. Rev. Jackson tied the nuptial knot for the parties averaging 1250 pounds on the hoof. The beautiful home of the bride was
decorated with one sulky rake, one feed grinder and two sets of work harnesses nearly new. Just before the ceremony the Mendelsohn Wedding
March was played by one milk cow 5 years old, one Jersey cow and one sheep, who carrying a bouquet of bridal roses in her hand, was very beautiful. She wore one light spring wagon, two crates of apples, three hay racks and one grindstone of muslim desoie trimmed with about 100 bushels of oats. The bridal couple left on an extended trip west. Term – cash.
Yes, even today, with all the great technology on hand, newspapers can occasionally unintentionally tickle the reader’s funny bone with reader headlines:
-Miners refuse to work after death;
-Stolen paintings found by tree;
-Drunks get 9 months in violin case;
-Two sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout counter;
-Legislator wants tougher death penalty;
-Woman improving after fatal crash;
-Man found dead in cemetery
-Police begin campaign to run down jay-walkers
-Include your children when baking cookies
P.S. This newspaper has a blue ribbon, award winning editorial staff who write beautiful article headlines that are models of conciseness, accuracy and interest. Specific names will be omitted since this country man does not want them to be pushed into a much higher income tax bracket, due to a huge merit increase.
In our church, and possibly in yours, there is often a great deal of laughing, sometimes at the expense of a harried pastor who rushes to get the church bulletin out in time, sometimes bloopers unintentionally occur. For example, concerning church music—“At the evening service tonight, the topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to the choir practice. Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some of the older ones. Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.”
A few random church bulletin bloopers. “A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.” “Pot luck supper next Sunday—prayer and medication to follow.” “Weight Watchers will meet at the church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.” “The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.” “Low self esteem support group will meet Thursday. Please use back door.” “For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.” And the final campaign pledge by an associate minister. His campaign slogan is “I upped my pledge—up yours.” As Yogi would remind us “Don’t let worry kill you off. Let the church and politics help. (Really, Yogi didn’t say this.)
The blooper musings of a simple country man and his adorable wife Lois, who keeps me in stitches—the humorous kind.