What Happened in Brookfield When the Hindenburg Hit the Titanic?
by Hobie Morris
“Every joke is a tiny revolution. Whatever destroys dignity and brings down the mighty from their seats, preferably with a bump, is funny.” – George Orwell
In frenzied response to the most recent presidential debacle, my beautiful wife has painfully twisted my arm to throw my well-worn, dirty, second-hand cap into the presidential campaign. By doing so, hoping for the greatest miracle of all time.
I must candidly confess my campaign war chest is a few dollars less than my competition. In fact, my available campaign grubstake is less than $10. (But didn’t my historical soul brother Abe Lincoln win—or did he lose–a campaign spending only $5?)
I don’t have special interest groups driving up Knight Road with dump trucks loaded with money to fuel my campaign. So like my life my campaign will be bare bones, no frills, with a minimum of hot air and tons of honesty.
My campaign staff is similarly thin. As of this writing, it consists of just three. My totally beautiful and incomparable, loving and supporting wife and two sibling cats—Maverick and Monty. While I haven’t discussed their active participation with them, I expect their loyalty with an extra handful of Wellness gourmet cat food.
As I look up from shoveling a mountain full of horse manure, which I spread liberally on our garden, my thought process comes to me in dribs and drabs, and in recent days, as I shovel buckets full of something well-known to politicians my political philosophy has coalesced into a plan.
I dream about an America that is far fairer and democratic than it is today. I guess at heart I’m an 18th-century Jeffersonian Democrat in the guise of a 21st-century simple country man. A renegade semi-Revolutionary, honest-dirt-under-his-fingernails-country-bumpkin, living in a nation where such characteristics have dinosaur connotations.
If my presidential campaign grows beyond Brookfield’s Knight Road, a dirt road and dead end, somebody will ask me what I stand on and for. I can tell them candidly I stand on solid ground with my large, size 16 holey sneakers. Additionally, I stand for several important things that Jefferson, I believe, would encourage us to change.
If elected, I would work to considerably shorten the entire presidential election process. The present one is far too long. The entire process should take no more than six months total. The present election cycle length leaves voters brain dead and semi-comatose by election time.
The entire election system is disgracefully far too expensive—grossly so. Buying “elected” (really a farce) officials now is as common as shopping at Walmart. The entire political campaign process should be publicly funded and strictly regulated, and equal for all. One possibility—that each state would be responsible for raising $2.00 from each of its residents. The common fund from all 50 states would be used for all state and national campaigns, with the parties in each state responsible for its equal dividing.
We desperately need a viable and competitive third national political party. It would give disgruntled voters another choice. At the beginning of the 20th century, there were at one time three major national parties: the Socialist, Progressive and Populist, plus the two traditional major parties. Again, they would be equitably funded from the common fund.
One pundit called the two major parties today “two peas in the same pod.” Alternative parties should have a great and needed function to make democracy alive.
If elected, I would work tirelessly to change the blatantly unfair present winner-take-all electoral college voting system. There is absolutely no logic or fairness in the present system. It denies, among other things, the legal principle of one person, one vote. Under the present system, the plurality of a single vote entitles the winner to every single electoral college vote in that state.
The voters for the losing candidate have lost their importance in the election process and democracy. (At the least the loser should be entitled to a percent of the electoral votes based on the number of popular votes for the candidate.) The horror tales of dire possibilities are endless. Losers in popular votes have become presidents. Elections should not be determined by a single Supreme Court vote or by the House of Representatives.
These and other scenarios are scary but real.
The solution: the direct popular election of the president and vice president. Every vote and voter would be important. Even including a third or fourth party, the winning candidate would need to receive at least 40 percent of the popular vote. If not, the candidates with the two highest totals would have an immediate run-off to determine the winner.
Although not perfect, the direct election system would eliminate many of the present pitfalls, including the election of a non-plurality president. It would far better equalize voting power, both among and within the states. Party competition within the states and nation would be increased as would voter participation, where every vote would count.
Finally, the most important thing of all, the president and vice president are the only elected officials at all levels of government in the USA not decided by direct popular vote.
If elected, I’ll gladly jump off my manure pile and work tirelessly to make democracy far fairer for all of you. Can I count on your vote?
Hobie Morris is a Brookfield resident and simple country man.