Hobie Morris

Kids say the darnedest things and 400-pound turkeys

By Hobie Morris

“Laughs make smiles.” – Anonymous

Art Linkletter once popularized the humorous things that kids say. Regardless of how bad adults viewed the world, kids continue in their innocence and naiveté to make people laugh.

In my humble opinion, Americans aren’t as happy as when I was growing up. You would often hear people humming, singing, whistling, and robustly laughing in public. People smiled more, cracked jokes, and generally poked fun at each other.

Today, gritting teeth, flashing eyes, angry words, and threats characterize America’s civility. It’s called “road rage”. Apparently civility’s decline today is symptomatic of a societal decline that is a shocking and disturbing change for many readers who are also cringing at what they daily witness. There are, thankfully, heartwarming exceptions: politeness, good manners, etc. But we need much much more because we must all live together as members of the family of humankind. The “soapbox” has been removed and the stage turned over to Art Linkletter.

Turkeys. A small group of South Dakota young school children were asked “How do you cook a turkey?” A composite of their answers follows:

– They all agreed their turkey had to be purchased or shot

– Elizabeth’s idea was to shoot the turkey; then play with it before taking it to the kitchen

– There was noticeable disagreement on size in pounds: Raylan – 400; Angela – 200; Hailee – 60; Ada – 10; and Delelan’s very modest 4 pound “pocket size mouthful.”

– Cooking times also varied irregardless of turkey size and ranged from 61 hours down the scale to 45,10,9, and 6 minutes. (Temperatures also varied from 600 degrees to 10 degrees.)

-For dessert, Raylan suggested after eating his 400 lb turkey having pumpkin pie (and let your belt out 2 holes).

I wanted to write Raylan and tell him the only 400 pound turkeys I ever saw were “for sale” and very lavishly fed at the public trough near Washington D.C.

Not so for one of my political heroes who not only was a great Senator, but ran for the Presidency on two occasions. (His father had been President Grover Cleveland’s Vice President). Adli E. Stevenson is his name (same as his father). My favorite photo of Junior was him sitting in a chair, legs crossed showing the bottoms of his shoes. One had a 50 cent hole completely through the sole! Stevenson couldn’t be purchased at any price! I dare say contemporary politicians can’t replicate in thought and deed this remarkable Democrat from Illinois. He laughed often too. What would the South Dakota kids think and say about this holey man? I bet, with Linkletter, it would be a “hoot.”

Then it would be time to hike with these kids through the Brookfield hills looking for Raylan’s 400-pound turkey. If we see one, we will run in the opposite direction laughing all the way.

Editor’s note: Hobie Morris is a Brookfield resident and simple country man.

By martha

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