{"id":86997,"date":"2017-11-29T13:12:10","date_gmt":"2017-11-29T18:12:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/madisoncountycourier.com\/?p=86997"},"modified":"2017-11-28T22:21:43","modified_gmt":"2017-11-29T03:21:43","slug":"guest-column-good-grief","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/madisoncountycourier.com\/?p=86997","title":{"rendered":"GUEST COLUMN: Good grief"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"By Troy Bishopp, in memory of Scott Bishopp<\/p>\n

When I hear the phrase \u201cGood Grief\u201d, I\u2019m reminded of Charlie Brown\u2019s adage that described his daily personal frustrations.\u00a0 Using good with grief seems disingenuous for those of us who are in mourning.\u00a0 As I struggle almost daily with the flashpoint of tears, the sentiment of good has little comfort.\u00a0 But how do we become well again?<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been on this quest for answers since my only brother died suddenly a few months ago.\u00a0 I shouldn\u2019t be so selfish in thinking I\u2019m the only one experiencing such pain. This heartache train is a journey with lots of passengers who have lost loved ones, are barely surviving from catastrophic natural tragedies or are mourning the relentless onslaught of negative news on a global scale.\u00a0 There seems to be plenty of pain to go around.\u00a0 Author Tim Jackson said, \u201cGrief is a journey that sooner or later we all must take.\u00a0 It\u2019s how we take the journey that makes all the difference\u201d.<\/p>\n

\"\"Like countless mourners or depressed souls around the world, I keep asking why and why now?\u00a0\u00a0 I posed this difficult question to a local Amish bishop.\u00a0 He surmised, \u201cAt times like this we often wonder why.\u00a0 The days pass in a blur and then we need to get on with life.\u00a0 I have found that peace lieth not in understanding why but in quiet submission to God\u2019s divine will and realizing that we see but in part, and God has a much greater perspective.\u00a0 If we rest in his will, we can be assured that \u201cAll things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.\u201d ~ Romans\u00a08:28<\/span>\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"\u201cI think we have to admit there are many things we can\u2019t comprehend and the only way to find peace is to humbly submit to God\u2019s infinite wisdom.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cSet me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame.\u00a0 The fiery trials we go through make us for better or worse.\u00a0 The same boiling water that hardens the egg softens the potato. ~ Song of Solomon 8:6\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019m trying to be the strong one for my family and exude belief, faith and hope but grieving is hard work, and it takes a \u201cvillage\u201d to help me navigate my emotions into the delicate holiday season.\u00a0 I find, like with farming, diversity helps—even in mourning.\u00a0 My coping mechanisms start with my green and white\u00a0 wristband in memorial to my guardian angel, 7 year old Daniel Barden and continues on with love from my dear wife, children and family.\u00a0 I have turned to close friends, clergy, grief counselors, music and my own brother\u2019s awesome passion to relieve the immense pain of loss.<\/p>\n

Hospice\u2019s Bereavement Counselor, Linda Clark told a group of us mourners that \u201cgrief is amplified\u201d during the holidays and that \u201cgrief is a necessity and a privilege\u201d. \u201cIt\u2019s a myth that you should feel joyful all the time\u201d.\u00a0 She suggested these tips for coping with the hefty bag of feelings during the festive season:\u00a0 \u201cHave a plan because you can\u2019t hide from the season, adjust your expectations, set realistic goals for yourself, find ways to remember, live in the moment, ask for help, find someone you can talk to any hour of the day and see the holiday through a child\u2019s eye.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hospice\u2019s Chaplin, Jill Farnham, delivered a prayer that contained this poignant passage:\u00a0 \u201cAt times our problems and longings cover us with a darkness that seems as if it will never end no matter what the season is.\u00a0 Help us, Lord, to remember that your love is stronger than any burden we may carry this holiday season.\u00a0 Renew our hope as we remember our loved ones this holiday season.\u00a0 Be ever present with us as we move into the future, not trying to hold onto the past, but open to your healing love and transforming mercies.\u00a0 Sustain us with the promise that love is not defeated\u2026not by illness, not by trouble, not even by death itself.\u00a0 Let us not forget that at this moment we are being renewed and are being sustained this holiday season by your love, grace and hope; Amen\u201d.<\/p>\n

The diversity of \u201cmourning tools\u201d suits me, as a faithful farmer who likes tools.\u00a0 I am coming to terms with the \u201coutta sequence of deaths\u201d.\u00a0 I have found a renewed sense of empathy for my fellow men, women and planet through this grieving process even though I can\u2019t understand it fully.\u00a0 It seems this anguishing, tearful journey has heightened my awareness of symbols.\u00a0 I was told this might happen as your heart clings to a sign from loved ones that they are present with God.<\/p>\n

Albeit potentially construed as weird, I\u2019ll share my signage while you secretly roll your eyes.\u00a0 The day of my Brother Scott\u2019s funeral, I literally came within a few feet of a large buck while walking through his quiet savannah of black walnut trees.\u00a0 As we locked eyes, he allowed me to cry uncontrollably for 10 minutes without moving.\u00a0 I believe I saw my brother\u2019s spirit comforting me that day.\u00a0 And on a recent kayak trip with my wife, sister-in-law and nephew recounting memories, we were besieged with Dragonflies (Native American culture honors the Dragonfly as a symbol of renewal after a time of great hardship.)<\/p>\n

Perhaps the most indelible sign of hope, faith and resiliency that comforts me today comes from my dear neighbor and farmer, Lawrence Gilley, who lost his beloved wife, Carol, last year in the midst of cultivating vegetables, their pastures, a herd of Milking Devons and a loving family.\u00a0 Being a naturalist at heart, Lawrence presented me with seeds from his honey locust trees.\u00a0 This gift, whether he knows it or not, is a symbol we all need in our time of reflection, for seeds provide hope, seeds honor legacies, seeds rejuvenate and from a seed—-begets life.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s what we need to know.\u00a0 That life goes on, whether on earth or in the heavens.\u00a0 \u201cBlessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted\u201d ~ Matthew 5:4<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Troy Bishopp, in memory of Scott Bishopp When I hear the phrase \u201cGood Grief\u201d, I\u2019m reminded of Charlie Brown\u2019s adage that described his daily personal frustrations.\u00a0 Using good with grief seems disingenuous for those of us who are in mourning.\u00a0 As I struggle almost daily with the flashpoint of tears, the sentiment of good […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":33516,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[23677,23808,8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-86997","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-columns","category-opinion","category-top-story"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p43meu-mDb","jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/madisoncountycourier.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/Bishopp-Troy-Color1.jpg?fit=226%2C241&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/madisoncountycourier.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/86997","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/madisoncountycourier.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/madisoncountycourier.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/madisoncountycourier.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/madisoncountycourier.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=86997"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/madisoncountycourier.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/86997\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/madisoncountycourier.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/33516"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/madisoncountycourier.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=86997"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/madisoncountycourier.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=86997"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/madisoncountycourier.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=86997"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}