From Here & Back Again
By Jim Coufal
(Cazenovia, NY -Jan. 2013
) We’re told that confession is good for the soul and the psyche. I’ve made many confessions; in the confessional, face-to-face, to my wife, to therapists and even to a few select friends.
Hardest of all has been to confess to myself. Some of these confessions have been healing, others not so much. I always found a good act of contrition plus three Our Fathers and three Hail Mary’s kind of cheap for expiating sin.
There also seems to be a cultural thing about admitting certain actions, like watching too much television. I admit I watch three to four hours of television every day. Now, for the face-saving enjoinder (watch for them throughout), most of what I watch is National Geographical, Nature, History and the Military Channels. Of course, I also watch some football and basketball, but not as much as I once did. And I do like a good mystery or police thriller.
I admit I don’t exercise enough. For periods I get very devoted to workouts in a gym or to walking. Up until recent years I walked 18 holes of golf four to five times per week. I also get periods where I am absolutely un-devoted to exercise.
I don’t think the cycle of these periods balances my health in any way.
I admit that I’m overweight (or under-height). When young, as an NBA fan, I wanted to be six feet, five inches tall and weigh 225 lbs. I made the weight and then some, so I got half of what I wished for. Willie Mays never batted .500.
For most of my life, I have been a plain out-and-out eater. When young I would eat a whole pizza and then look around if someone had uneaten pieces I could devour. Now, one or two slices are mucho. I admit to raising the national average regarding the amount of ice cream eaten per year per citizen.
I waver over what the three most important food groups are. They used to be beer, pizza and ice cream. I’ve come to like Mexican, and I haven’t figured where to place tacos and burritos. I admit that there are many good reasons to be a vegetarian. I also admit that the best I can say is that I’ve cut down the amount of red meat I eat.
Rationalizations are useful things. I did quit smoking cold turkey.
My son is a freelance writer. I really admire his self-starting drive and persistence, going at it for hours at a time. I admit I have adult attention deficiency disorder (self-diagnosed), so my writing comes in outbursts. I’m at the computer researching and writing for 40 to 60 minutes. Then it’s off to my reading chair for another similar stint. Then to the family room for two-plus hours of television, and then back to the computer to start the cycle once again.
My rationalization here is that this gives my eyes a chance to focus at different distances.
Unlike my son, I’m not making my living writing, so I can get away with this, and I do also pump out a lot of peer-reviewed professional articles that readers of my rambling column here don’t see. The professional articles do follow along with what I write here, that is, trying to keep the pot stirred up.
Poetry comes sporadically, when my muse strikes me, not often but hard.
In my writing, as in my life, I admit I am sometimes wrong. Point it out to me and hopefully I’ll learn. Along the way, I’ll admit to being wrong.
And I sign my name to what I write, unlike many critics.
I once heard that Starbucks doesn’t really sell coffee, they sell social space. I admit I greatly enjoy jawboning with friends over a cup of coffee, usually at Caz’s new Pewter Spoon. That’s why I belong to Great Decision Foreign Policy Discussion group, Cazenovia Toastmasters, a book club and love to sit with friends with no excuse other than to sit with friends.
Carol and I often enjoy the Wheeler’s Coffeehouse on Route 13.
It’s invitation-only.
I admit that I once was an avid hunter but now prefer to sleep in and allow the critters to live. I also admit to supporting hunting, which logically means that I support gun rights, but with well-regulated, rational rules and regulations. No guns in schools, for sure.
I admit to being worried about the future of this country and the world, especially in view of having a bouncing, enthusiastic great-grandson and a brother to him in the oven. With global climate change, increasing wealth disparity, politics run like a 12-ring circus, and others, things don’t look too rosy.
The last thing I’ll admit here is seasonal. Yes, I do say, “happy holidays;” after all, there are several holidays at this season. On the other hand, if I know your religious preference is Christian I’ll say “Merry Christmas” happily.
I admit that as I write this Sunday, Dec. 23, I think of it as “the day before the day before Christmas.” I also admit that while I told my wife and family I really wanted nothing but my usual Barnes & Noble gift card with no other under-the-tree gifts but rather a donation sent in my name to CazCares, I couldn’t go without buying something for my wife for “under the tree.”
She deserves it even if she doesn’t need it.
I admit, at our ages, we might still have “wants” but few very real “needs.”
I also admit I still say, “bless you” when someone sneezes, “thank you” and “excuse me” when appropriate, and hold the door for others.
Momma taught me well.
And I don’t think I have to admit, because you know, I am an atheist.
Jim Coufal of Cazenovia is a part-time philosopher and full-time observer of global trends. He can be reached at madnews@m3pmedia.com.