We hear this phrase from friends or neighbors when there has been a loss or some other crisis. It is certainly well meaning and a genuine offer of help. Unfortunately, when someone is grieving or depressed, it may be very difficult for that person to identify what they need and even more difficult to reach out to ask for assistance. A person with depression may have isolated themselves physically and/or emotionally and they are using all their energy just to get through the tasks of the day.
Because many people have been raised not to be nosey, they are reluctant to reach out or reach in to the person who is isolated or depressed. They want to respect that person’s privacy. However, staying connected is very important to the person who is depressed or potentially suicidal. We need to reach in and connect. According to the National Institute of Mental Health:
5 Action Steps for Helping Someone in Emotional Pain
1. Ask: “Are you thinking about killing yourself?” It’s not an easy question but studies show that asking at-risk individuals if they are suicidal does not increase suicides or suicidal thoughts.
2. Keep them safe: Reducing a suicidal person’s access to highly lethal items or places is an important part of suicide prevention. While this is not always easy, asking if the at-risk person has a plan and removing or disabling the lethal means (guns, pills, etc.) can make a difference.
4. Help them connect: Save the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline’s number in your phone so it’s there when you need it: 1-800-8255 (TALK). You can also help make a connection with a trusted individual like a family member, friend, spiritual advisor, or mental health professional.
5. Stay connected: Staying in touch after a crisis or after being discharged from care can make a difference. Studies have shown the number of suicide deaths goes down when someone follows up with the at-risk person. One more thing:
It may be helpful to save several emergency numbers to your cell phone. The ability to get immediate help for yourself or for a friend can make a difference.
The phone number for a trusted friend or relative
The non-emergency number for the local police department
The Crisis Text Line: 741741
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
By Susan Jenkins